Soup of the day

One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.

“What the hell’s the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?” the man bellowed at the waitress.

“My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place,” the waitress informed him.

“Oh yeah,” the man shouted, “then why don’t you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?”

“I’m sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out.”

One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.

“What the hell’s the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?” the man bellowed at the waitress.

“My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place,” the waitress informed him.

“Oh yeah,” the man shouted, “then why don’t you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?”

“I’m sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out.”

Architecture at its finest

This is a true story. It happened in Utah and was on the news!

A city councilman, Mark Easton, lives in this neighborhood.

He had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor

purchased the lot below his house and built.

Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances

Would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to

make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new

neighbor had some great arguments about this as you can imagine – not

great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line – no doubt at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the city and informed them that his new

neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn’t

like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark’s home to

see the vent view, this is what they found. See the NewsStory

neighbor middle finger

Doctors  Jokes

*kinda gross but funny, not for the light hearted*

A bunch of first-year medical students were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “It is absolutely necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor of Medicine: the first is that you’re not disgusted by anything involving the human body.”

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, rolled the body over and stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.

“Go ahead and do the same thing”, he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention”

Uses of the Middle Finger

Once upon a time there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his father. Looking at his dad’s hands, the boy says,

“Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers.”

“Wella Tony,” Papa said, “You seea this first finger? You use a dis a one to point a to whata evea you wanna to. You see youa thumb? You usea disa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well, I’lla tella you about thata one when youa getta married.”

Little Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony’s wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding and just before he was leaving with his bride,

Tony went to have a talk with Papa.

Tony said, “Papa, many years ago you told me to use this finger to point at what I want, to turn pages with my thumb, to pick my nose with this little one, and to put my wedding ring on this one, but, Papa, what is it I do with this middle finger?”

Papa drew close to Tony and said, “Tony, tonighta you will makea mad hotta love to youa woman many times, and youa may getta tired. When thatta happens, and youa woman turns to you an wanna makea da love againa, that’s when you takea your middle finga and you poka on her head and say,

‘Go back to sleep youa silly woman!'”

Shame on you

My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what it meant. I was so shocked that I could say only,

“Shame on you,” followed by, “If anyone does that to you, just say,

“Shame on you” to that person.

A few weeks later we were at the dinner table when my husband let out a huge belch. I reprimanded him by saying,

“Shame on you.”

Imagine my husband’s shock when my daughter held up her middle finger, showed it to him, and exclaimed,

” Mom, you forgot to give Daddy the ‘shame on you’ sign.”